18 top tips for surviving the first five days of your first beach holiday with a baby

So we’re five days into a two-week stay in Portugal, our first ‘beach’ holiday with our boy, who is nine months old.

It’s been a bit of an eye-opener in more ways than one, so I thought I’d quickly jot down a few of the things I’ve learned so far, in the hope that you, dear reader, can reap the rewards for your own trip.

There’ll be no patronising ‘make sure you pack plenty of nappies’ advice here (but seriously, pack plenty of nappies) - just some stuff that my addled brain feels might be worth passing on.

So here goes, my 18 top tips for surveying the first five days of your first beach holiday with a nine month old baby:

1. Remember ‘Napa in ’03? Great! Your first holiday with junior will be nothing like that. Just like in real life, pretty much everything you’ll do will revolve around his routine [note: there is no routine  - it goes out of the window as soon as you land, see point #6].
   
2. Pick a resort you know well, or has been recommended as child friendly by someone - OK, so that's borderline patronising advice I know, but on this trip it’s been great knowing where we can/can’t go based on numerous previous visits.
   
3. Get a Baby Bjorn carrier strap thingy (or non-trademark infringing similar product). Priceless at the airport.
   
4. Research what baby food is available at your destination and plan accordingly. I poo pooed such forward thinkingness with a flippant ‘it’s the same wherever you go’. It’s not, and we’ve paid the price with the local formula milk not going down well.
   
5. If your hotel or apartment complex offers travel cots, get one. It can double as a play pen during the day or evening when you’re getting your glad rags on.
   
6. Routine goes out of the window - the heat, noise, other kids, meal times, sleep times. Embrace the change.
   
7. Milton steriliser tablets. Kills all known germs (or is that Domestos?). Smells funny though.
   
8. Toys. Especially his favourite two or three. And don’t forget, you can buy loads of insta-disposable toys in your resort from the countless tat vendors (‘check for the CE safety mark though people!’, he says, in the most unpatronising tone he can manage).
   
9. Take sun lotion that doesn’t bring the screaming when junior starts rubbing it into his eyes. Not sure such a thing exists, so please let me know if you have some.
   
10. Speedo water seat floaty thing. Great for getting junior acquainted with pool-based activities.
    
11. Super-hero branded swim suits. Apparently no other kind is available and guaranteed to provoke coo-ing from your fellow sun worshipers.
    
12. Try and holiday with friends that have kids. Even better, with family members that have kids. You can pool resources and, importantly, provide each other with respite when required.
    
13. And if you're holidaying with friends or family, ask them nicely if they would mind looking after junior for a couple of hours one evening while you and your other half sneak off for a meal on your own.
    
14. iPad or some other tablet. Wifi is pretty much everywhere now, and having junior’s favourite shows available in the apartment or restaurant at the touch of a button is a lifesaver.
    
15. Patience. Junior didn’t ask to be taken to Portugal, so you can’t blame him for being grumpy about it, right?
    
16. Take pictures for those precious memories. We’re on Day 5 and I just realised I haven’t taken a single shot.
    
17. Alcohol. Sweet, sweet alcohol. For you, of course, not junior.
    
18. I should take more of my own advice.